I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
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