Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
