i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
