i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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