omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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