I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just want nice things and good sex
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
