Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
