apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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