there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Randomize
