New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
