Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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