dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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