i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Life is so much better after having sex.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
