I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
