She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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