Im at strip club and am horny
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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