I got chris browned last night
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
