how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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