Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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