$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
