so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
