I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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