Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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