You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
