My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
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