wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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