On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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