make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
