Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
