I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
