I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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