Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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