I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
