you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
