im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
