I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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