Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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