I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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