What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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