What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
