I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
