I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
