Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think a kid would responsible me up
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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