So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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