i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
