it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
