I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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