is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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