I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
