Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
