I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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