We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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