I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
