So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
